It's the 3rd day of the new year, we went to see my granduncle- grandpa's 9th brother in the hospital.

Taiwanese always say it's not good to go to hospital in first several days of a new year, and bad luck might follow you for the whole year. However, it's my dear granduncle who spoiled us very much when we were little, and who just got stroke a couple of weeks before chinese new year.

I still remember he liked to wear a peaked cap and came to my grandma's house unexpectedly, for some chat or complaint or fresh air away from his home. He was funny and untamed, gallant and untrammelled, childlike and soft-hearted. He's in grandpa's generation but not chauvinistic, instead I found him very thoughtful and romantic. From his eyes I can see his adoration to my grandma but being a grandchild it's very improper to think that way. He only has 3 sons and no girls, so he spoiled me like his daughter and always brought a box of honey cake to my house when visiting my grandma, as he knew I liked cakes a lot since I was born. He and grandaunt always bought me gifts in my big days like birthdays or graduations or when I got in university. One year they even got me a gold necklace. I didn't see them often but I always remember the love they've been giving to me.

He hadn't come to our house for new years for several years since he got leg problem and couldn't walk well any more. Then we heard he got Parkinson's disease and didn't talk much and slept even more. Then this year we heard he got stroke. Time is really cruel and takes away what we used to own little by little eventually, and none of us can predict its next step or control its power. I could hardly recognize him today in the hospital, and saw what time has taken away from him. I was glad to see him again since last time around 7 or 8yrs ago, but I couldn't face him for more than 5 seconds without bursting tears. A strong man might beat up everything but at last he still can't beat up aging. He suddenly turned back to a little baby who can't control excretion, can't walk or eat or swallow or talk or write by himself, sleeps all the time, and sometimes can't recognize anyone. He's so powerless and can only be at the mercy of others. He lost all the dignity he had built up in whole life.

We tried to talk to him and joked around with him. Sometimes he responded back with emotions or whispering, but next min he fell asleep again. God knows how much I wish he could wake up in a sudden and say happy new year to us, or started to swallow food himself and didn't need nose intubating anymore.

The only good thing is, finally he's back to our family reunion again in this chinese new year.

2005 Company Year End Party

- ATICO Strip Show (The team who got 1st prize on stage)

- Beauties & Beasts

It's always a good refreshment to go home when life gets a bit frustrating. And I might never appreciate home like this if I didn't move out. I went back home for 2 days for the year end clean up this weekend. The 'home' I'm talking about is actually my grandma's house in south west of Taipei city. It only takes 20 mins by bus from where I live, but I only go home for several hours once per week, merely to see my grandma and talk to her. Grandma is 80 yrs old now and she's the one who took care of our living when my parents worked. And the house and neighborhood were built as employees dorms since 40-50's. It's a 2 story wood house in Japanese style right behind the botanic garden. My whole family has lived there since my dad was in high school. If the neighbor didn't forget to switch off the stove and the houses didn't get on fire, our house might be able to keep not only the exterior but also the interior as 50 yrs ago.

I lived in the room my youngest auntie used to live. It's on the 2nd floor and the window faced to the main road so the noise can't be avoided. However, window can be opened and the tree right out of the window always brings some other earth lives to the sight, like sparrows, squirrels, cicalas...etc. I used to come up here to do my nature class experiments, like wrapping a leaf with foil paper for a few days and see how it goes without photosynthesis, or growing green beads on the pot shelf outside the window. I moved up to this room since I was 15, and the single bed simbolizes a traditional family's upbringing for an unmarried girl.

I was like going into a time turnnel when I went into the room and cleaned it up. I took out everything, removed the dust, checked if worthy keeping or throwing away, and wipped shelves and mopped floor. I found my old photos- the school time in england, backpacking in europe, events in my second job, coworkers' babies, trip in the states, guys I used to date, family reunion.... and school notes, certificates of merit, grade reports, my shortnotes, journals, letters, greeting cards, collections, and tons of books I used to read. I've kept all my life and memories in this room, and once I started to organize it, it'd always take hours or days to finish it. It's not about cleaning any more, it's about recalling and brushing up old memories.

And when I wipped window frame or changed bags for stored stuff, I felt like going back to that young little girl, who's upset for mom's instruction of helping with house cleaning for the new year but on the other hand quite skilled on folding the wiper to cover up the dirt. We used to take out all the windows, carried them downstairs, and wash them in detergent and put under sunshine to dry up. Also we need to mop the whole 2nd floor area- total 6 rooms and stairs. Sometimes we'd have to wipe out spiders or webs or dried dead insects in the dark corners and at that time our little mind usually got certain level of impact and fright.

Grandma always gets us full and satisfied with some simply food whenever we get home, even if we don't see any food in fridge, she can still gets us magic rice noodle soup or yummy fried noodles. It's also fun to talk to grandma, even if she doesn't understand why we spent whole day on the computer, or why we kept changing jobs and bfs, she still listen and allow us to throw our emotion to her. Grandma's tv dramas seem to be more interesting if watching it with grandma than with friends or alone.

Now I'm back, and I've got to realize how much I've changed, who I am supposed to be, and what I have missed. It's always good to go home.

- My Grandma, uncle's wife, and youngest Aunt

Cafe, whiped cream, alcohol, chocolate waffle, toast, tomato, taro milktea, hot spring, cote d'azur, trail, 94 highway, pebble beach, railway, yacht, skyline, labrador, kenting, straws, shellchime, tequila sunrise, sailboat rock, dripping, lachrymal, self-centered, dusky, sole, defensive, tu es beau, trenchancy, tranquil, affection, obstinacy, ce n'est pas moin, identification, self-abhorrented, fatigue, speechless, seductive, chaos, self-willed, depression, aggresive, powerless, temptation, irritancy, segregation....

cafe, whiped cream, alcohol....

The last day of old Kwan Hwa Market (光華商場)

The bridge is going to be tore down. Those which have parasitized underneath of the bridge for 30 years are losing their shelter. And next time when you come here, you'll only see an empty broadway.

Pathetically, this doesn't mean too much to most of my current friends, except for me.

This weekend all my roomies are away, so finally I can have this house on my own! And this afternoon I found my house was full of sun shine coming thru the big window and nice beeze from the balcony windown in the back. I can bath in the sun without going out and enjoy a quiet saturday afternoon and don't need to care about the way I sit or lie or whatever. I can even walk around in the house without wearing underwears. I guess I have to work harder to find a nice apartment for my own...

Spanish class this week jumped even further away from the first one. For a beginner's class, I personally think it's gone to fast, but on the contrary we got enough stuff to memorize for the whole next week which is pretty good to myself. We learned the question to spell out the name/surname, and to ask people nationality, so we got a lot of new vocabularies for countries, nationalities, and also numbers 1-20 to remember. I found that United States is always the most 'difficile' one to remember either in french (les Etats-Unis) or in spainish (Estados Unidos). Why do you americans always make such big trouble in the world not only in countless wars but also in language? :P

Finally I had my first hot spring in this winter this evening. The weather was just cold enough to cool down the heat from the body when bathing in the hot spring pool. The sunday night is just a right time to be able to have the whole pool at your own and jump in here and there freely. The mountain was terrifyingly quiet but it's good to have no cars block your way. Everything was just so perfect for the hot spring. The place was cozy and homely, but also clean and equipped with massage water spouts, spa pools, a swimming pool, steam rooms, an outdoor pool, indoor pools, individual pools, and a small gym. It also has guest rooms and a resturant providing all sorts of chicken soup and mountain dishes in very reasonable price. I can still smell the sulfur from the hotspring in my body and it just smells so good. Now I can enjoy fully relaxation from head to toes and have a good sleep.

Mucho Gusto!

I can't really remmeber when was my last time sitting in a class (the real class for learning, not for work). However, I did find myself a bit unexpectedly retarted to the school thing before going to the spanish class yesterday. 2 days ago the school lady called me up to remind me the saturday class and be there 10 mins earlier for the registration stuff. So I didn't forget I had a class and didn't forget to get the textbook at the counter. BUt I did forget that I might need at least a pen or a pencil and a notebook, and I did forget what else I would need in the class. It took me quite a while to figure it out... do i need a pencil case? a ruler? a marker? a red pen? an eraser? a bookbag ............ ??? I was looking for a new notebook but all our company products are cheap and in poor quality. I recalled that at school before the semester started we would have had several cute notebooks ready for each subjects, and even get the textbooks a PVC cover to protect the books. I can't believe I even forgot to prepare a nice notebook this time.

Ultimately I grabed a company sample notebook (sold to Dollar General) and threw a newly sharpened pencil and a company pen into a eslit bookstore shopping bag and carried a lady purse to my first spanish class (I looked at myself twice... it's just not right at somewhere and I couldn't figure out where... I just didn't look like a student!). It was a 3 hr class starting from 5.20pm to 8.30pm-- a very akward time during the dinner hours, where I really need to figure out if I should have food before or after the class. The teacher is a skinny, average tall, spanish young guy named Enrique (handsome name, isn't it?;)), who can speak good chinese and kind of funny in a shy way. The language is new to me so I found it fun in the class and in learning, but if seeing it in a more serious way, Enrique apparently is not professional enough or a linguist to teach pronounciation or this language to taiwanese beginners-- he didn't even teach us how to pronounce "R" right. Perhaps he's just another foreign young guy who doesn't know what to do for life so came to a tiny asia country for new experience and teaching his mother language for living like most of foreigners do. I couldn't stop wondering this way.

There are 10 students in my class and around 7 of them seem to have known spanish, so they picked up very fast and speak in good promounciation. As for me, I stil have to look up the notebook to figure out the pronounciatino of J or X, not to mention the whole sentence like 'what's your name?'(como te llamas?) or 'see you tomorrow'(hasta manana). (guess i should install spanish letter in this computer to make the front question mark and the wave on the top of N.) The most difficult part is the conflicts between french and spanish in my tiny head. Now they're fighting with each other-- the existing residents french refuse to accept new comers spanish to move in and keep sending spies to penetrate in spanish group. So sometimes there'd be awkward things coming out like answering 'gracias' in 'de rien' (should be de nada), or pronounce 'bien' as 'bian'. I personally hope both french and spanish can live happily together ever after but I know one of them will be kicked out soon which I can't control at all. Also the english will be in danger in the future when spanish gets stronger. Oh well... we'll figure out some way later but now spanish has to be grown bigger that's for sure.

Oh by the way, I got a spanish-chinese dictionary as a xmas gift from a nice guy before the class and even before I got my textbook. I'm really appreciated his thoughtfulness and I'm sure ths gift will be very helpful and useful. Now I got to go study my spanish and practice my pronounciation. If anyone knows any spanish or people who speak spanish, I will need a language exchange and both males and females are welcome.

Gracias!

2005 Review

~Jan~
My best friend from work got married with a canadian guy, who's introduced by my friend and we just joked to pass the msn address to him and her. It was such a miracle and both me and my friend were surprised they'd get married at the end.
My bf broke up with me 2 weeks after the new year countdown.
~Feb~
Jason and I made a trip to Boracay in philippines where we had a great chinese new year holiday with some korean guys and girls.
~Mar~
My 2nd time to India for work. Got chance to see Taj Mahal this time.
Had a great bday in my favorite place- KTV. Got myself a new mobile phone for bday gift.
~Apr~
My 3rd time to Philippines for work. First time my boss nominated me for the employee of the month. I lost the vote.
~May~
Started taking a salsa dance class which was fun. Decided to spend my annual leave holiday in LA and visit my a friend who I haven't seen for 2 yrs.
~Jun~
After 5 months mourning for my passed love, I started to hear from my ex again through people I accidentally met and even my roomate turned out to be his coworker. I was hunted by my ex.
~Jul~
Got to know Theo and South African people and started to hang out with them. Got a lot of fun and good time. Also started to talk to my ex again.
Finally got the employee of the month award this month.
Made the LA trip and had an unforgetable time there with my favorite guy. Saw the real giant panda first time in life.
Lost my old digital camara but got a new updated one, very happy about it.
~Aug~
My 3rd time to India for work for 3 weeks, also the longest time I stayed there.
~Sep~
Had a good time in the weekend of company seminar in Yi-Lan.
Started to learn Yoga.
~Oct~
My 4th time in India for work and had an important presentation for a big buyer who's also the most tough one and it was his first time visiting India. Got very nervous but the meeting went unexpectedly well.
My best school buddy finally got married. Happy for him.
Met my school best girl friend who I haven't seen for 4-5 yrs. Glad that we started to hang out again.
Got to know my favorite guy is coming to stay for several months, very happy about that and started to expect his coming.
~Nov~
Went for our market survey tour in one of company groups to US for 2 weeks. This was a big honor to me in this company.
Met up with the guy and still couldn't believe we're able to live in same city one day.
~Dec~
Got to know the guy has committeed to a girl just right before he left for here and would like to stay loyal to the girl which really stunned me. I made some exciting plans for good times in his stay, but those were all in vain. Very disappointed.
Made a 4th trip to philippines and also the shortest, only 1 week.
Sprang ankle at the last day of the year but still hiked up to mountain for new year's countdown.

In 2005 I had a lot of travelling, a lot of good time, and also a lot of times of heart broken. My health seems to get more and more problems and my grey hair also grew more and more. I learned more experience from life, and also got more calm in facing problem. I did better in forgiving people and giving everything second or more chances. I still can't do well in being a happy and good person, but it's getting easier for me to forget unhappiness and dark side of human nature. I'm still learning not to hurt people's feelings by accident, and trying to put down my passion so as not to scare people too much. Although my last day of 2005 and the first several days of 2006 seem not so lucky to me, I still believe there'll be good things waiting for me this year and I'm quite expecting it.

Let's keep hopes and smile to the sun rise in every morning!:)

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Ps. I Slept around 10pm last night which was too early for me, so I couldn't fall asleep anymore since this morning 5am. It was such a torture but blogging really helps and kills a lot of time when I can't sleep. Hehe...

Happy 2006 Everyone!

Last year ended up with a tragedy, just right happened at the first minute of the last day. I fell off from the stair and sprang my left ankle.

It hurt but wasn't too terrible. I still could get up and walk into the house, and went back and forward from my room and dinning room to get ice and stuff. But the next morning when I woke up, my ankle was more swollen than earlier and even hurt. I got a meeting on Saturday morning so I sitll went to the office. I still walked here and there, up and down in my office building, and even practice a bit dance for our year end party... but just lamely and handicappedly.

Good thing is doctor said my muscle and tendon are fine, the swall is just due to a lot of extravasation. He suggested me taking rests and not going anywhere in 2 days.

That was the new year's eve. I planned to find a good spot on elephant mountain to see 101. I couldn't do nothing but only staying in the house in front of TV, at the last day of the year. I could still walk. I had to go out.

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8 o'colck, 2 bikes 4 people got together in front of family mart. Having ensured everything's ready-- alcohols, chips, flash light, camara-- we set off our journey to worship the rave show on our tallest building at the last day of the year.

It's not exagerated at all that I called it 'worship'. Everyone seemed to get together for only seeing the building and firework, but not really caring about new year countdown. On the way to the mountain we happened to drive to a big empty space in a residential area where nothing blocked the view of the tallest building. Everyone was just excited about the good view and got off from cars or scooters to take pictures of it, or in front of it. The building straights up from the empty ground solely in the middle of the dark black universe, with blue tingling twinkle light embelished its outline, what accompanying along with this scenery was only cool night breeze and tranquille air. No shouting crowds, no thundering music, no packed traffic. Once in a while I felt like standing in an art gallery looking at a photograph of the night view of a litup building. We even came out an idea that to bring chairs and table and tea pot and just sitting on the road side waiting for the firework at midnight.

After several shuts we hop up the scooters and kept driving. 40 mins later we reached the mountain and surpised how close it is to the Hsin Yi area and 101. On the top of the trail there're 3 huge rocks where is the closest spot to the area and we could even hear the music of the city hall event from there! There's no free lunch in the world tho, you want to get the best spot you gotta 1) hike for 20 mins, 2) come up early like at 8am in the morning to take up the space. Yes that what some people did, so when we got there all the rock top and edge of the cliffs had been fully occupied! Not only people everywhere, but also camaras and tripods and 腳架一個比一個大! Now it's not about the new year count down, it's more like we're invading in photographers' territory!

Anyway we didn't stay there but came down from the trail for another flat terrace where is further but also has good view. We sat there chatting and waiting. It was quiet and nice, some young people were doing BBQ and some were playing firecrackers behind us. Everyone's waiting for the moment. Then when the lights on the building started to fade up, and lit up again layer by layer... 7,6,5,4,3,2,1... firework show started to burst... Happy new year!

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This is the 3rd year I did the countdown in front of 101. The past 2 years I was inside the crowds in front of the concert and the building in city hall. One year I was with anna and jason and other friends and the next one I was with my ex. I had great time in those 2 even tho the post-event situation wasn't pleasant at all-- traffic and long walk back home. We all got drunk and sang silly songs and talked silly things. We swung on the street and shouted happy new year to people. We laughed out loud and enjoyed the first day of the year with close friends. Those are wonderful unforgetable time.

This year the count down was a big quiet. We didn't have to be sqeezed in the crowds and wondered if we would be killed at last min of the year inside the shoal of sartine. We could get good pictures of the firework and good view of the whole city in which no stranger heads or arms or buildings or tree leaves pop up. We had a peaceful time enjoying the firework show with friends. Everything is supposed to be good but on the contrary I felt something missing.

Perhaps we paid too much attention on the show, we forgot the most important point of the meaning on new year's eve. We're supposed to celebrate the new year with friends or family, but not staring at a building at the first 2 mins of the new year. I didn't feel the moment unforgetable, it's just like watching a show and then left when it's finished. I even didn't get drunk or sing silly songs or talk silly things or laugh out loud. And don't forget I broke my ankle. Everything is just so unusual to me, and I started to regret a little bit.

Oh well, just see it as a learning process. People should be the most important, location is not. Next time in big days, I will only spend with friends, and I'm sure wherever we celebrate the days, we'll have great time together.

Happy new year to all my dear friends!