<Happiness>

It seems a haircut does change one's luck and sweep away all misfortunes. she finally got accepted by the company where she can work for her favorite products; she got a funny joke from a funny cute guy which she can make each of her friends laugh; her room got a new air conditioner so this summer she needn't to worry when she'd die of heat on her bed; she got some sexy pretty angels who don't mind taking her sorrows or sharing happiness and a big plate of yummy mango ice cream with her......

So summer is coming up!! it's party and beach time!!:)

Wahahahaha... i got it! i got the job! i got my favorite job!!
Wahahahahahahahahahahaha......................................... :D

She's totally passed out today. after one hour interrogation of what she's answered thousand times lately, an interrupted self-introduction, and some sweaty humor, she stepped out of that fancy office with frustration. the job and the company were considered as an optimum opportunity for her, and she held a strong interest and resolution to shoot for it, but things seemed not to go well as she expected. she started to wonder if efforts would always bring gains. (sneering...) quoting the words from bruce almighty: 'you can control everything but the freewill', woefully this world is just formed by billions of freewills.

<Truth and Dare>

In the interview, she always answered questions in this way with a big smile: "oh yes, i'm very interested in this job!" (i need it cuz i need money!), "i can accept the number that you offer." (are you joking me? why do you think i'll hit sales figure in 100 times of what you're gonna pay me?), "i hope my life career can be conducted in your company." (i don't guarantee i'll work for you forever!), "yes your company has good welfare system." (then where do you think the money goes when you deduct 500 from my salary every month?)

In front of a girl, he always tell her something like this with a big smile: "yes, i like you!" (can i sleep with you?), "i miss you so much!" (i haven't had sex with you for a while!), "you're so beautiful!" (i like your butt and sexy body!), "of course i care about you!" (but i also care about other girls!), "i had a wonderful time with you!" (you're good on bed!)

Do we always have to speak out what make us look good or be thought as a good person and hide the words which are harmful but we actually think? why can't people be more honest to one another instead of presenting the 'standard' side to make others happy about them? Do you dare to speak out the truth deep down in your mind?

<Addiction>

She found that recently wherever she went and whatever she did there's always something sticking in her mind. she gotta try very hard to keep herself busy so as to stay away from it. she always told herself to lock it up for a while resolutely but she's too weak to against her subconsciousness. so every time she saw it she'd still push the power botton on reflexly. she's addicted to the world those circuits and wires lead to.

He found that recently wherever he went and whatever he did he always felt something missing in his heart. he tried very hard to figure out what it was and ultimately he thought he needed someone to love and to be loved. so he went out dating and slept with the girl who he thought he's attracted and serious to, but every couple of weeks or months the different girls just being seen to show up with him and it's never end. he's addicted to the intimacy and emotional/mental acceptance.

We all know what we don't really need and what would kill us but we still go for it and indulge in it unconsciously. eventually our souls got enslaved whereas we still try to find excuses to rationalize our behaviors. some move from one guy/girl to another in a very short time just because they miss lovers caresses. some shift from here to there constantly only because they look for the excitement of getting in touch with new people/stuff. some get drunk or high every weekend merely for desensitizing themselves from this cruel reality. addiction offers us an exit for either mental or physical dependency, like a baby craving mammy's embrace, which gives the feeling of sort of security. but the question is, would you be willing to be put in the cage merely for the secure meals?

<Memory or Stability?>

Grace is a 27 yo english teacher, just opened up a kids talent school with her 27 yo boy friend, and started to recruit students for the english, art, and math course this summer. Candy is 26, workin for Grace as a frontdesk staff, married, with a 18 months old boy. She is 30, with a master degree, had quit her job the thrid time for a several months selftravelling, and been waiting for the next job opportunity for 2 months, working for Grace as a part time afterschool tutor, single with no relationship at the moment.

She sometimes would envy the other two girls having either their own career or family in such a young age, and feel a bit sorry for herself who's much older but has done nothing remarkable and still fooling around in real and love world. whereas one day she's been told that they envy her too as she's been travelling around and seen part of this world which they haven't (or never) had chances to see and to do. she learned a lot from what she experienced which they would never be able to get from their stable life. she got more remarkable memories than them.

She finally feels a bit happy. yeah at least she can write a book about her colorful life before breathing her last and needn't to worry about missing something she hasn't done yet. at least she's an 'easyforget' person who only selectively leaves good old time in her memories. at least she's living for herself.

So how about you? will you choose memory or stability?

Ha! the difference between two people living in the same city to the "rain" is that, one came out with a big surprised pouring but the other left her two umbrellas behind in two days as she came out without even spitting... :)

sweet dreams my darling!

<The last chapter of the story?>

Ok, story has to be continued. so now her significant one got a new significant one on the other side of the ocean. she tried to imagine how he'd be sweet to her and make time for her but she couldn't get any clues. 'you're gonna move on your life', he said, but she hates it. she hates that finally she found someone who made her laugh out loud all the time and who she truely enjoyed the company with but due to some silly trivial problem she had to end up their connection with each other and be asked to go for others. human affection is not like an object which can be easily handed out from one palm to another, and neither him nor her is the kinda peron who could handle the deep emotion sophisticatedly. she couldn't stop thinking that, if he kept pushing her away from him and didn't care about her leaving, should she still hold her faith to him this tightly and make all the effort for overcoming the fate? if he got happiness from other girls, why not just let him go and stop behaving like a stumbling stone blocking his way of moving on his life? love is an advanture, always needs courage to take risks and challenges. she wishes to the shooting star, that he has the same faith as her, to move on their lives with each other.

<Dating on the Dipper>

Woud you like to fly up to the sky, tracing along the constellation dancing on the stars, sitting on the crescent moon watching the street lights shining underneath, bathing in the bubble clouds listening to the humming from the tranquil heavens...... with me?

If you want to love someone for all life, pursue him/her for all life.

<You want grape, i give you grape!>

It reminds her the time in england. she did mass shopping every weekend, and there were some stuffs she would always get: apples--good for anti-flu and won't go bad in a week; milk--for cafe and hot chocolate; some veges; and grapes--won't get hands wetty sticky and one for a bite, good for health too. she's good at peeling grapes' skin by mouth, if they don't stick together too tightly; but the ones in england needn't to be peeled and the skins are edible, the only thing she needed to do was to wash them carefully. she would store them in a preserved box and put in the frige, so everytime she's bored at study she could take them as snacks, very nutritous snacks. then she sometimes would look up through her ceiling window, watching those pieces of clouds floating over one by one, wondering gratefully how lucky she was to be able to come over to a different country and live as in the movie. she always got friends coming for dinner in the evening, or had some chat and drinks at night. she's proud of having everything in the house, excpet for beers and wines, but people would always bring some to come knock her door. that was the happiest year in her life, she enjoyed real school days at her 27's.

<A day>

She was trapped in a dream till 12pm.
She got up, made a cup of hot chocolate, took 2 pieces of toasts, roasted them and put blueberry jam on one and butter on the other, attached them together. taste better than only with butter.
She read a bit newspaper, the family and entertainment page.
1:15pm, she hurried to dress up and went out for an interview.
The interview went well, and she's asked to consider of the suitablity of the job for her. her first time got the donimant power. she decided to take the second interview anyhow.
Leaving the office building, she hung around the biggest bookstore nextdoor a bit... merely wanna drop by for the toilet originally.
4:00pm, she took a bus home.
4:30pm, she sit in her tiny room, in front of the cafe table, hanging around on the internet, first time today.
5:30pm, she lay on bed with eyes closed... day dreaming.
5:50pm, jumped up from bed, put on casual shirt, tied up messy long hair, rushed out of door to school.
6:15pm, checking students homework. sit back to the front desk. got bored.
8:00pm, played with kids a bit. still bored.
8:40pm, times up! she's happy to be able to go home.
9:30pm, her tiny room, in front of the cafe table, hanging around on the internet, again.
Listening to Amelie, which always makes her feel joyful.
A pretty boring day.

oh, she started to read a bit french these days to try to brush it up. and she never knew the spelling was so difficile!!

Frustrated.
She was asked to do a demo teaching today. she didn't really feel like following the provided 'standard' materials, and she knew she could do better than what the manual asked her to do, so she decided to use her way--which is similar to the 'standard one'--to teach those objects and prepared some stuffs like a teddy bear and stickers for those wellbehaved littles. she even thought of a funny game and she knew everything'd go well. it seemed she's too confident. the school owner wasn't very happy about her way of teaching and asked her to follow what the manual said. the owner wanted her to do what she(the owner)'s doing, to teach in the way she'd been trained, and even aksed her to play those games she's using in her class and sing the songs which the records played. she's not happy either. she didn't want her kids to be trained as robots. she didn't want them to learn only 'sesame street songs', to know only 'sesame street poems', or to speak only what 'sesame street' taught. the owner even hadn't got chance to see her game and the materials she prepared. she didn't know she could teach better than her. in fact the owner didn't get good feedback from kids cuz as i saw most of kids didn't know what they'd learned in the class. their grammers are in a mess, their spelling are corrupt, and their volcabularies are poor. they had fun playing in the class but it didn't help their learnings. she has no idea what to do the next. she's thinking of rejecting the classes in summer. anyhow she proved she's not a good english teacher...

It's so funny and exciting, to see so many people looking at your site and reading your stuff. this is the most reason she likes to write online. she's been doing it since she's 23, on the earliest college bulletin board in her native language at beginning. a couple of months later she got several strangers writing to her with compliment, since then she started to find it as kinda fun so she kept posting new stuffs and got more unknown readers. 'perhaps i can publish a book!' she always got this idea in mind. too bad this site only got basic function (which is free) that she can't put her drawings on it. in this part she might prefer to do the hand writing so that she can draw whatever she feels like!:) but seriously, she'll definitly publish a book one day, without concerning the selling figure and only for recording her movie-like life.

Thanks, there!:) your slight click inspires this girl opening up her deep side of heart, she finally feels her constrained soul being freed like a released cage bird flying up to the broad sky.

what makes you think of me? will you still smile while you're thinking of me?

She's been not well for a couple of weeks. started with a burning throat, then the constent scary cough, now it came up to sneezing. she even lost her voice a bit. her body seems to have got this acclimatization problem in her home country, which is rediculous but so true. so lately everything to her seems to go on stricks simultaneously... her spirit, her emotion, her organs, her immue system, her motivation, the season changing, the virus spreading, the company recruiting, the 4 year old laptop, the yahoo messenger... even those blood sucker flea roomies... they seldom show up again. the world became so quiet, too quiet to feel herself's existance. the invisible icon came to cover her around spontaniously, she disappeared from this world insensibly.

She's told as a mean girl the other day. yes she knew she sometimes would be a little bit cold to those who she didn't quite know or first time met, or tease those who like her looks but she's not interested in. she didn't mean to hurt anyone, but obviously her naughty tricks left some people a bad impression to her--that she's a mean girl. she doesn't like to be misunderstood at all, so she started to wonder what is good and what is bad? Is it considered as a good girl that you do things for others all the time and behave like what people expect you to behave, no matter one expects you to be caring but the other be easygoing? does being a nice girl mean you have to give up some of your natural personalities but going for what 'most of normal people' want you to be, which are being less aggressive, less advanturous, less outgoing, less independent, more gentle, more feminine, more thoughtful, more looking at insides of people instead of the appearance, more thinking about the future instead of enjoying the moment life? why this world always try to give us a frame to grow up as a 'standard' person? why only those 'standard people got chances to live 'normally'?

she never thought she's a mean girl and will never think she is. she cares her friends she helps people she tries not to give others pressures. whatever they say she decided to keep being her natural self. one day at last there'll be someone admiring her everything as who she is.

She decided to chill out herself a bit. she's always like this, too pationate and aggressive to try to grab love, but ultimately she got nothing but her broken heart. she's like that naughty cupid, born to pursue love and never really grow up. not only once she suffers the pain from the stab of the arrow, but she's very willing and glad to receive that pain. she admits she's just a silly girl who never gives up searching for love.

They had this big arguement today. on the wire of this side, the girl had already got tears full of her face. his words kept stabbing into her heart, but she didn't blame him as he never loves her as much as she does. the things meaning a lot to her seemed to mean nothing to him, the words being kept deep in her mind were like daily conversation to him. 'if he always keeps or wants to keep himself as an outsider, what should she do?' she always thought about this question. he'd never know she stored their each conversation preciously in a box for sometimes rechewing their sweet time together, and she'd smile insensibly for the whole day. he'd never know how excited and happy she felt everytime she talked to him, imagining he's sitting next to her holding her with his muscular arm like before telling her about his day, how he got pissed off by his stupid coworker... Obviously she's torturing herself, but she couldn't do anything with it, not even dating with other guys, cuz there has been someone staying in her heart, came in there all of the sudden like that day she went to knock his door asking for staying for few days...

this is another sad story of hers. a love seperated by the pacific ocean.

Finally this site got some stuff she wants, like guestbook and other links, and of course her stories. this might not be a funny or interesting site (she never meant to make it funny!), just some thoughts and feelings of hers which might a bit personal and sentimental (sometimes), but she doesn't care! this is HER site where she can put whatever she wants on it, so if you don't like it, GET OUT OF HER PLACE RIGHT NOW!

if you happen to come in here drop her some lines in her guestbook, let her know there's someone who's reading her heart at somewhere sometime. thanks!

She got her first salary today, the first one since she lost her previous job and started looking for the new one which she hasn't found yet. it's not too much, only NT$1,500 cash for 3 times 2.5hr/day afterschool tutoring--she tutors english to young kids as a temperary part-time, but the excitement seems much bigger than seeing monthly salary--which is much more--going to her account every 5th of the month before. SHE TEACHES ENGLISH! thought of doing it for a long while but she never being able to do it FOR REAL... but now she made it! meanwhile the school owner further asked her if she was interested in taking care of the classes for 4-6 yo kids and she'd hire her as a real english teacher in summer. she wasn't very confident to herself honestly, as she speaks she writes she listens she reads in english but never TEACH it. she promised she'd think about it.

Buddha says never ask for anything insistently, what belong to you will spontaniously come to you at last. this is the first time she agrees with him.